More promo breakdowns plus...have I lost my mind?

Updated: Jul 24, 2020

What's in Kim's Mailbox?

The other day I shared with you the two different front covers of one of my control promos. It's been doing gangbusters for nearly 3 years now, both as a direct mail promo and an online sales page.

Now we're going to take a peek inside and look at the first 3 pages as we analyze why it's working so well. Let's start by looking at the second page of copy...

On this page we're revealing what the secret to increased energy, sharper thinking, and lower blood pressure is that we teased about in both versions of the front cover that I shared with you on Tuesday.

But we don't want it to feel like a letdown. So we're acknowledging they've probably heard about it before...but at the same time sharing with them something new they may not have heard yet.

Also on this page, I'm dimensionalizing the many different ways nitric oxide is crucial for good health. I'm also painting a picture of how a deficiency could be to blame for common age-related problems like low energy, heart concerns, high blood pressure or cholesterol, osteoporosis, arthritis, or other conditions (without using those disease names, of course, for compliance since this is a supplement promo).

Notice how each bullet starts with a consistent action statement and a verb ending in "s", which makes it seem like "it" (nitric oxide") is doing all the work for you.

Now that I have them convinced how important it is to have plenty of nitric oxide, let's look at the next page...

Here I'm breaking the bad news that they likely are suffering right now from reduced levels of nitric oxide, simply due to getting older. There are specific numbers provided (which I dug up in a study for support), which are dramatized to stand out visually in the bar graph that's adjacent.

In the sidebar at the top of the page, there's a list of symptoms linked to low nitric oxide levels, including many common problems the older prospect I'm writing to may be experiencing.

This helps further cement the idea that the hidden cause--or underlying problem to be solved--behind their health concerns could be low nitric oxide levels...something they may not have thought of before.

Let's take a look at the next page so you can see how the lead transitions from setting up the problem to starting to introduce the solution...

I started to get a little "science-y" on the previous page, and that continues briefly here. Notice I take extra care here to really simplify the explanation as much as possible and keep it conversational. Otherwise, the prospect's eyes will start to glaze over and I risk losing him.

I also start to worry the reader a bit more that they may be low on nitric oxide...if they don't exercise vigorously regularly, use mouthwash, or take acid blockers often.

By this point, I can almost imagine Gene Schwartz's visualization of what he wants his prospect to feel, "Am I really in that much danger?" This isn't as manipulative as it sounds, of really is just a way to introduce a new idea using the tried-and-true "hidden cause" formula that works so well for supplement promotions...while also creating urgency to want to solve it.

At this point I introduce who's speaking (having already included her photo and byline on the cover and her mini-bio on page 2). The promo continues on the next page to debunk the idea that l-arginine works to raise nitric oxide, and introduce an amino acid that actually works far better.

In the sidebar on this page, I'm playing up the credibility of the Nobel Prize-winning discovery of nitric oxide and all the prestigious medical journals in which studies on it have appeared. The list and the visuals are a great way to provide undeniable proof.

How to get your hands on this promo

There's a lot going on in the rest of the promotion as well. You may come across the online sales page version (it won't have all these wonderful sidebars in it) if you're on Soundview's and other companies' email lists. If you'd like to grab a PDF to study further, it's available here. For a limited time, I'm taking $20 off the price since I've already shared some of it with you.

I've shared with you many things I think explain why this promo is working so well, even after 3 years. But what I think is particularly strong is the close section, which goes on for several pages near the end.

When I held my Copywriting Velocity live event last March, I did a complete breakdown of the close section of this promo and pointed out several strategies I used to make it almost impossible not to order. Fortunately, I captured all of that training in my Copywriting Velocity Complete Virtual Program.

I'd like to encourage you to get my Copywriting Velocity program. When you do, I'll give you your own personal Hot Seat (a $500 value) to problem-solve whatever you're struggling with: finding clients, negotiating royalties, figuring out a new angle to test, whatever it is...

Yours for smarter marketing,


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